We're gonna have to medicate those
by t0rao
Summary: Luffy can't get the feeling of Ace's blood off his hands. Post-Punk Hazard, Pre-Dressrosa. Trigger warnings: blood, self harm, death mention. Asexual lawlu.


As always, English is not my first language so let me know if there are any mistakes! Thanks to isillome on tumblr for the prompt. I hope you like it!

This is post-Punk Hazard and pre-Dressrosa. Kinda OOC just because I suck at writing. Asexual lawlu, kinda aromantic - more about friendship. Heavy spoilers for the latest manga chapters. Trigger warnings: death mention, blood, self-harming, panic attacks.

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><p>Law was on the balcony of the Sunny; he would never admit it, but he really liked watching the ocean's wideness and feeling the salty breeze on his skin. He rarely experienced it during his whole voyage. All this time, he had always been in the darkness of his submarine, always hiding, always running away. He knows they're not safe; oh, there are <em>so<em> many enemies coming after them right now, but for just a moment he choose to forget everything and relax, enjoying the unusual silence. It feels really strange, he is sure this is the loudest ship he's ever been on but, right now, everything is quiet and peaceful. For just a moment, it reminds him of those nights with Corazon, when they were still on the run, desperately looking for a doctor, a cure, _anything,_ to heal him. The man used to silence all the noises outside with his weird power to let him sleep well.

_But that was a long time ago. _

He let out a deep breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.

Everyone else already went to sleep, he should take his leave too. He stretched extending his arms behind his back and started walking towards the men's quarters- he really doesn't look forward to another sleepless night due to Zoro's snoring. Maybe this was his lucky night and the swordsman was on watch duty; even though that was highly unlikely. It seemed like Nami never picked him, probably due to his habit to fall asleep.

As he moved closer to the other side of the ship, he walked past the captain's room. He thought he heard a noise, but he shrugged it off-it was probably just the ship's wood cracking.

" ... no, no ..._ no_."

_That_ was definitely Luffy's voice. He didn't want to get too close to the other captain, so, as much as he was curious, he decided to just ignore it. He proposed the alliance just to reach a common goal, and Luffy being a D. like himself was the ideal candidate to help him take Doflamingo out.

He was already going away, when he heard a small sigh. _Shit. I'm so gonna regret this._

The doctor turned back, and quickly reached Luffy's door. He hesitated- I_ shouldn't care, I should just go away, Luffy can deal with his own shit alone and- fuck, was that another sigh? What is he doing?_

_He was his patient, after all._ He hadn't forgotten the emergency surgery he performed on him while escaping from Marineford. Even with his powers, he had never seen anyone with injuries that bad manage to survive.

He slowly opened the door, peering inside.

"Luffy?"

Silence.

Law entered and closed the door behind him, looking for the younger captain. On the bed, where he expected him to be, there was only his trademark hat. _I must have imagined it._

"Law?" his voice came from the room's corner. He was sat on the ground, looking scared and lost. Blood was dripping down his hands. His skin was paler than ever, his hair a mess, and tears were running down his cheeks.

"..._Help me_. P-please." he added as he kept desperately scratching the back of his hands.

"Lu-Luffy?! What happened?" he sure didn't expect this sight. His eyes were still adjusting to the darkness- a faint light came from the Moon, through the little window on the other side of the room.

"I...I can't get" he started "A-Ace's b-blood of-off them" he concluded nervously, and showed him his hands. "See?" he asked. Law could now see his dilated eyes.

"I've been rubbing them so hard b-but it's still- I can't-" he tried cleaning them on his shirt "it doesn't-" he raised his head "w-why doesn't it come off, Law?" he finished, his voice trembling. His mouth was dry, making his voice raw.

_Of course, he's still grieving. It's been only two years, after all._

_"Please. M-make it stop._ I d-don't know what to do." It was getting hard to breathe, "I just can't. It's _too much._ It _hurts_. I don't-" his words got caught in his throat as he started crying uncontrollably. He was overwhelmed. "Stop- please_-_ please just, _stop_. I don't- I don't want to feel_ anything_. Just. _S-stop._" His hands were moving frantically, his nails covered in semi-dried blood maniacally rubbing and scratching the tortured skin.

Law took off his hat and tossed it on the bed, moved closer and sat cross-legged on the ground in front of Luffy, taking his hands into his tattooed ones. He could feel the exposed flesh against his palms. He knew damn well what Luffy was going through, some nights he almost chocked because he couldn't get the smell of his sister burning alive off of him. So he knew there was nothing he could say or do to make him feel better. He just had to let it out, and hope the next crisis wouldn't come too soon.

"I know Ace ... I know _it_ happened two years ago, so- it's just-" he swallowed; his voice was feeble, almost inaudible "I woke up and ... I can't get the feeling of his b-bl-"

Luffy's heart started pounding faster and his breathing was hectic; he was losing control of his body. He had no control over his muscles -it felt like he was paralyzed, even though he couldn't stop shaking. Law moved so that he was beside Luffy, with his back on the wall, and tucked the younger's head against his shoulder, holding him tight without saying anything.

"I know." He whispered it softly, but firmly, in Luffy's ear, and held his wrists tight so that he couldn't hurt himself anymore. "I'm here. It's okay." It was the only thing he could say in that moment.

The younger clenched tightly at the other's now soaked blue shirt until he stopped shaking. Law didn't realize he had been brushing his hair with his fingers, until Luffy suddenly raised his head, blinked, confused, and then looked at him.

He was about to open his mouth to say something, when Luffy interrupted him.

"Why didn't you save him too?" Luffy's tone wasn't angry- just sad, and tired. Law had been expecting this question, ever since they landed on Amazon Lily two years ago. He expected tears, shoutings, accusations, and, most of all, _hate._

"Chopper told me that with your powers you can cure anything. Then, why?" Law could see the younger one was trying hard to keep his sobbing under control.

He didn't have an answer. He hadn't had gone there to save Fire-Fist Ace. He had no interest in the war. Heck, he didn't even know himself why he had gone there.

"I'm sorry." _He was already dead._

Luffy stopped trying to break his hands free and released his grip from the other's shirt, tears still going slowly down his cheeks. He took a deep breath.

_"I don't want to be alone",_ he whispered. Law instinctively pulled him closer.

They stayed in the darkness, silent, their hands joined. Law could feel his breath getting slower under his chin.

He didn't need to check to know that Luffy was still awake.

"My sister died too."

At first Luffy didn't say anything, but Law could feel his body getting tense so he knew he had heard. He almost regretted saying it; _what was he thinking? He doesn't want to hear about that, especially now._

"How?" Luffy's voice came really low, as he felt the body next to his own relax. He was exhausted after all.

Law didn't reply at first. There was a lump in his throat- saying it out loud was hard.

"It's okay if you-"

"They burned her alive."

He couldn't believe he just said it. He hadn't told anyone, not even Corazon, about Lamie. She was only his, his little treasure hidden in his sealed away memories. He felt the grip on his hands get a little tighter.

"She hadn't done anything wrong. She was so ... _innocent_. She kept believing that help would come, as they kept saying, and that the World Government wouldn't abandon us. When it was them who had been poisoning us all along. I could only watch as the cancer kept getting worse and worse, and the white patches on her skins continued growing larger. I've never felt that useless again. No one even tried to save us. Simply no one cared. We were infected, and we had to be eliminated."

Law could feel Luffy's breath getting calmer as he kept talking.

"I studied medicine all day and did research with father, but nothing seemed to work. I had only three years left when they came and killed everyone. If only I had the Ope Ope no Mi back then ... I could have saved everyone." he released his grip from Luffy's right hand and brought his fingers to his forehead, hiding his eyes.

"I healed up all the children in Punk Hazard ... but it's too late. I can never get _her _back." He glanced at the door. "The moment I entered, I already knew what was going on. I can still smell it- corpses burning and decomposing all around me. It feels like they are about to overwhelm and suffocate me."

He exhaled, and ran a hand through his dark blue hair. He didn't know why he told him this much- but he felt lighter. He had been carrying this burden alone for so, so long. No one had to know where he was from. He didn't want anybody's pity ... or prejudices.

Luffy raised his free hand to wipe a tear off Law's cheek. The blood had dried already.

"You know, Ace wasn't really my brother. We made a promise with Sabo back in the day." He paused for a long time.

"I just never realized death was a real thing. When Sabo died, I didn't see it happen. So I told myself he was still alive, that he went out to sea and he was somewhere on the big, free ocean. That he was happy, and we would meet again one day."

His tone was getting lower with each word.

"... Not even once in Impel Down or during the war I thought Ace would actually _die_. I never contemplated it. I knew I was going to save him, or die with him. What happened ... wasn't an option. It still doesn't feel _real_. I just-I have no idea how to deal with it."

He was dizzy and almost falling asleep. "Please don't say anything to the others. I don't want them to worry about me."

"Sure"

Reassured, a small, shy smile appeared on Luffy's lips, forming little dimples on his cheeks. In the end he was so tired he just lay quietly, leaning on the older's shoulder. His hair was pleasantly brushing against the skin of Law's neck with each breath Luffy took.

"We're gonna have to medicate those tomorrow..." Law sighed with relief, slowly caressing the younger's fingers, before falling asleep too.

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><p>Aaah, I'm sorry, I got carried away with my Lamie &amp; Corazon feels.<p>

Reviews keep me motivated and make me happy ~


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